Have been in NE Montana working for
over a month now. Not my favorite kind of country—FLAT--- but it has a beauty
of its own I guess. Lots of open prairie here with farmsteads spaced every few
miles. The Missouri River is just to the south of where I’m working and another
stream runs nearby to drain into there.
The weather started out in the 70s
the first of October when I started but tonight it’s down to 6 degrees and the
wind chill has it as -8 already. Supposed to be in the – numbers later. But
with 2+ inches of new snow on the ground we also can’t do our job so will have
a couple days of “office” work while we wait to see if it melts off.
Have met some great people while I
have been here, from a wide variety of places. Some that are used to the cold,
some that are nearly frozen solid! A couple have been wearing thick Carhartt
coveralls for over a month, some of us are just now digging ours out! Long
johns will only get you so far in the cold weather.
We are starting to get back to a
more ‘normal’ routine but there are still times when Joe is the only thing we
think about. I find it hard to talk about things we did in the past and not
feel like I have to explain that Joe is no longer with us. When someone asked
about the name on my gaiters I wear at work, I don’t know if I should just say
they belonged to my son or give them the story that they belonged to my son and
that’s the reason I wear that set instead of the ones with my name on them? Do
they really want to know, do they really care? Do I want to hear how sorry they
are for our son’s death when they never knew him, or me before a month ago? Is
this all my own since of pity for the loss of our son and I don’t want to have
to explain it because it hurts each and every time I have to tell the story?
Probably all of those are true
statements at some point in the conversation. I understand that it will get
better with time, but dam, I don’t want to keep feeling that pain in my life. I
know it will never be the same, but that does not mean I want it to continue to
be miserable either.
I guess it’s good that I have a
place to vent my frustrations and let out my feelings without the direct
face-to-face contact that makes the pain worse. Thank you to my family and
friends for letting me vent, I assure you, they will be less often as time goes
by.
Miss you Joe!
